Freeman. That is, what I long to hear; for methinks I wou'd have found my felf un peu embarassé how to behave my felf in fo' nice a Conjuncture.

Bellair. Liften then. All this while I fate unconcern'd upon my Chair, keeping up to my old Maxim of being Neuter, between the two contending Crowns. At last, after an Hours difpute, tho' with some short Intermiffions, Heaven was pleas'd to declare it self in Favour of my Lady, who retir'd Triumphantly out of the Parlour, and left her Lord and Master groveling upon the Floor with a brace of black Eyes; and all this to fhew the vehemence of her Affection.

Freeman. Well! 'tis a Mystery to me, that Married People, however they behave themfelves to one another in private, fhou'd not take care to preserve a fair out-fide at least before Strangers. I knew a Gentleman and his Wife, who treated one another in publick with all the Refpect and Civility, that can be imagin'd, fo that you'd fwear they were the most affectionate Couple that ever graced the State of Matrimony, fince the Concatenation of Adam and Eve in Paradife: But when they were by themselves the cafe was alter'd, and they fhow'd themselves in their proper Shapes. But prithee Bellair how long have Sir John and my Lady been Married?

Bellair.

Bellair. Somewhat better than five Years. Sir John was the fame numerical Beast then you behold him now: But my Lady one of the most agreeable fweet Temper'd Creatures the Sun ever faw, and if fhe's alter'd for the worse, Sir John may e'en thank his own ill management. Alas! I know the whole Hifto ry of their Inteftine Broils, and what occafion'd them. I was invited to the Wedding. Freeman. And what did you obferve remarkable at this Ceremony?

Bellair. Nothing as I know of, but what happens at all Weddings. There was a World of Noise and Impertinence, of Scandal and Bawdy, attended with Dancing, Fiddling, Swearing, Drinking, Smoaking, and the like. One thing indeed was somewhat particular: The Bride's Brother, who is a true Country Rake, without the least share of good Senfe or Manners to atone for his Vices, was pleas'd to tell all the Company, how he had confummated (but he used a more familiar Expreffion for't) the Night before with a Farmer's Daughter upon a HayCock; and this he deliver'd in fuch Beastly Language, that I wonder none of the grave ancient Matrons at the Table did not rebuke him for❜t.

Freeman. Why Marriages, you know, are like the Feasts of Saturn, devoted to Merriment and Liberty, and as in the latter, Slaves

were

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were permitted to fit down with their Mafters; fo in the Former, the Language of Slaves (for what better Name does obfcenity deferve) is allow'd, I can't tell why, to come for a share.

Bellair. The Parfon of the Parish led up the Dances all the Afternoon in his Caffock, for both the Weather and Sport were too hot for him to whisk it about in all his Fxclefiaftical Harness. But what makes me dwell upon such infignificant Trifles as these? In four Days all the Company parted, and had Sir John been a Man of tolerable Dif cretion, he would certainly have been the happiest Man in the Universe. But I confefs, his Behaviour upon the Nuptial Day, gave me a vile Qmen of his future Con duct.

Freeman. Why, what was that?

Bellair. Instead of saving himself from the Bottle (which any Man of common sense in his Circumstances would have done) he must needs vifit every Company in the House, and like a Northern Inn-keeper, drank with all his Guests; fo that when he came to Bed to his Bride, he was as Drunk as a Chaplain of the Army upon wetting his Commiffion; and stunk of Tobacco worse than a Foot-Soldier, that Breakfasts, Dines, and Sups upon the Weed.

Freeman,

Freeman. This was foolish enough. However, this may be faid in Sir John's excufe, that the Day of Marriage being a day of Hurry and Tumult, 'tis no wonder if the Person chiefly concerned in all this came to fuffer by it first. Befides, I need not tell you that 'tis the wicked way of this World for the Men to combine against the Bridegroom on thefe Occafions, in order to disable him from paying the Tribute of the MarriageBed

Bellair. For which very Reafon, Freeman, a Man ought to fet a double Guard upon himself, and avoid the Train that is laid to blow him up.

Freem. That's right, but a Spirit of Goodnature and Hospitality may fometimes carry a Man beyond the Rules of Decorum. Well, but if Sir John made this falfe step upon the Day of Marriage, I hope he has made amends for it fince.

Bellair. Why truly, if continuing one Fault with another, is making amends for't, I know no Man in the three Kingdoms that has made more substantial amends than Sir John. In fhort, he minded his Dogs, his Cocks, his Horses, &c. more than his Lady; was feldom or never at Home; and when he was, fuch a litter of Scoundrils ftill accompanied him, there was fuch a fquabbling about the Merits of Thunder and Ringwood, fuch a profufion of groundlefs Calumny, and

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Scandal,

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Scandal, that a Woman of any Breeding would much rather fubmit to fit out three naked Prizes at the Bear Garden, than be forced to do Penance in this naufeous Ribbaldry.

Freeman. And yet a Woman must endure thefe Hardships as well as fhe can, fince the generality of our Country-Gentlemen inure

them to't.

Bellair. Never tell me what the generality of Brutes do. Don't you think a fine Woman, in the Bloom of her Age, that has brought a noble Fortune into a Family, if she has any Spirrt or Resentment of Injuries, must not abominate the stupid, ungrateful Sot that neglects and flights her, that prefers the Company of the vileft Scoundrels to hers, that can hardly afford her a civil Word when he's Sober, and always infults her when he's Drunk? Don't you think, I fay, that a Woman must have something very Angelical in her Conftitution, not to retaliate upon her Husband that uses her thus, when an Opportunity is offered her?

Freeman. I' faith I muft own 'tis unfupportable Ufage; and if I were a Woman, and treated fo barbaroufly, for all the Christianity I pretend to, I am afraid, I should rebell.

Bellair. To return now to my Difcourfe from which thefe Reflections have infenfibly led me. Sir John was generally abroad at

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