The Old Commodore

predicament, that he was compelled to go on board the Tender, İying off the Tower stairs, his heart full of grief for his late master, and his stomach all emptiness. The King soon remedied the latter misfortune, with ample supplies of burgoo and dog's body. The former, time alleviated, assisted by the blessed idea that the mantle of inspiration that had famished his master when living, had descended upon his, Peter's, shoulders.

Peter Drivel was soon drafted into the saucy Belladonna; but, as on board of a man-of-war, a very little wit goes a very great way, he was found to be rather out of his element. Instead of learning the use of blocks, and shrouds, and dead-eyes, he tried to be droll upon them, by which he generally got a starting from the rope's end, or the boatswain's cane. Captain Oliphant witnessing one of these, saved him from an approaching thrashing, and, questioning him, soon discovered that he was more fit for a domestic than a mizentopman. He took him at once into his service, and gave him constant employment by making him an idler. He became body servant, and bone-polisher No. 2. The captain's steward is always bone-polisher No. 1, and is generally called Mister.

Now this Peter of ours and of Captain Oliphant, went roving about the grounds, musing upon all manner of words, and taking, ever and anon, from out his coat-pocket, a well-thumbed spellingbook, by the renowned Dilworth, that terror of naughty little boys. He had already constructed three new puns, and he was deeply ruminating how to plan three opportunities that might enable him to let them off with effect, when the small farmer, Drag, crossed his path. On him he fastened, and him it was that he was now ambitious to astound.

He led the productive rustic about, with one hand holding open the Universal Spelling-book, with the other fastened to the collar of bis smock-frock, lest he should escape. How is it that professed wits have so strongly upon them the power of repulsion ?

In this wise, and much discoursing, at least on the part of Peter, they came down, unconsciously, within sight and hearing of Mr. Rubasore, who, still in custody of the barge's crew, continued to shout, from time to time, for John Tring, the constable, Thomas Prout, the headborough, and "Murder!"

"Murder! murder! Farmer Drag." Now the farmer was the tenant of Rubasore, or at least of Rubasore's ward, Miss Belmont. He was eager to run to him, but Peter held him by the collar.

"Now pray, farmer, do attend the whole science of wit, as now practised in the best circles, and the only species now existing among literary men, consists in—”

'Let I go-doan't a zee 'squire a scuffling wie sailor-men. Bless un, how un squalls murder."

"Stand still-plenty of time, farmer. When a man cries out

'Murder,' you may take his own word for it, he's not murdered. The whole science of wit lies in this blessed little book. My master, now in heaven, taught me the inestimable secret.'

'Drag, you rascal, here you see your landlord being murdered,- -run for the constable-Murder, murder!"

Lecturers don't like interruptions. Peter turned for a moment towards Mr. Rubasore, and shaking his fist at him, said, “An asthma to your lungs!-can't you be quiet? You have explained yourself to the farmer, now let me do the same. Drag, attend. B-o, bo! a word of terror. B-o-w, bow, to shoot with. B- e -a-u, beau, a fop; here, you see, are three words, the same sound, different sense-watch! get these columns by heart, containing all the words in the language, Drag, of similar soundssure to catch somebody in two minutes-that's the fashionable wit; and thus you elevate your trophies upon the columns of the Universal Spelling-book. Buy one, then you'll always have one by youtwig ?-not good, though. But, farmer, your eyes goggle so, that I'm afraid you are but a numskull, after all."

Whoy, hast almost throatled I, let un go my collar, do ye?" Certainly why did'nt you say you were choking beforecrammed him like a Norfolk turkey;" and then turning to Mr. Rubasore, whom this incomparable pair had now approached, "Now, sir, I have explained myself-go on-what can we do for you ?"

It was some moments before Mr. Rubasore could speak, from exasperation; at length he spluttered forth, "Farmer Drag, bear you witness to this forcible detention of me, a magistrate; you witnessed the assault-you now witness the imprisonment. When you saw my life endangered, and heard my calls of 'Murder,' why, sirrah, did you stand loitering there with that booby with a book ?"

Whoy, 'squire, and my sarvice to ye-I believes as how it were, that whoile thou was talking about one sort of murder, this chap was talking of another, and learning I how to murder words." "Well said, farmer, you improve vastly; and all, sir, owing to the booby with the book. Gridirons! farmer, but there may be boobies without books!"

How much smarter Peter would have become on this occasion it is impossible to say, for Mr. Rubasore was too choleric to remain quietly a butt for the student in the Universal Spelling-book. Every one commenced talking at once- -with the exception of those who were swearing and those who were laughing. The confusion was horrible; and, when it had just become most interestingly violent, arm-in-arm, Captain Oliphant and Miss Belmont made the turn of the low stone-wall, and thus found themselves at once in the midst of the scene of contention.

This unexpected, arrival did but, for some time, increase the con

fusion. Rosa, a good deal embarrassed, at length said, between a laugh and a tremble, turning to her lover, Permit me to introduce to you my guardian for a few short months to come-Mr. Rubasore."

"I had some slight knowledge of the gentleman before. My men, take your hands off. Mr. Rubasore, I perceive.”

"You have the advantage of me, sir. If, as by your uniform I conceive, you are the commanding officer of these men, I have to complain of one of the greatest outrages that was ever perpetrated upon the liberty of the subject and the person of a magistrate; but I shall not leave these offenders to your sense of justice, sir,which would probably turn out to be no justice to me. But, Miss Belmont, had you not better retire to the Hall ?-you ought not to witness insults like these put upon your guardian. Your own sense of delicacy, Rosa, must urge you to retire."

"Do so, my love, but go not far away. Peter shall wait upon you."

Miss Belmont, and Peter following, moved about a hundred yards from the spot, and remained, though not hearers, spectators of what was transacting.

'My love!" repeated Mr. Rubasore, with great indignation, "I see that there is much to be rectified here I have been sadly wanting in my duty as this young lady's guardian.”

"You have, sir."

"These interruptions will not forward a mutual understanding, sir. As yet, I do not remember you-will you favour me with your name ?"

"I am only too eager that you should know it. I am Captain Oliver Oliphant, of his Majesty's frigate Belladonna, and nephew to your neighbour of Trestletree Hall, Sir Octavius Bacuissart.'

'O, you are the grocer's son." And this was said with an em phatic sneer, and pointedly towards the boat's crew. 'Exactly, sir; the grocer's son.

to me ?"

Now, sir, what have you to say

That, as a magistrate, I enjoin you to aid me in detaining these men, until I get the assistance of the constable and the headborough of the hamlet to lock them up for the night in the cage, for various breaches of the peace, a riot, and assault upon my person; this I will do upon my own view, legally. As his Majesty's officer, you are bound to assist the civil power. I shall make out the necessary mittimuses to-morrow, and send them to the county gaol for trial.” "What next?"

Well might the Captain ask it. His men were so mute with astonishment, that they even forgot to turn their quids. They were all, however, over-anxious to speak.

"Thus much, sir, as a magistrate, as the representative of his

Majesty, and a conservator of the King's peace. Now, listen to me, Captain Oliphant, in the character of a gentleman."

"Let us see how you assume that." "Sir, it is no assumption. you say so much ?"

I derived it from my father. Can

"More, infinitely more. I derived it from my King, and have never forfeited it by my conduct. Can you say as much?"

"As a gentleman, sir, I tell you that you are dishonoured, in deserting your duty, a duty for which the nation pays you but too well, in order to be loitering on shore on purpose to carry on a clandestine correspondence with a young, secluded, and inexperienced girl."

This, it must be confessed, was a terrible thrust. That Rubasore had an arrowy tongue. The gallant Captain, for a moment, felt rather uncomfortable.

"The setting up of the lower rigging," he began, but instantly stopped, feeling the full force of the ridicule of attempting a nautical defence for his appearance on that particular part of the coast.

"I know not what you mean by the apology which you were going to offer; and of which you are evidently ashamed."

am ashamed of nothing, sir,-and was going to offer you no apology."

"It matters not—but there lies your vessel in perfect idleness-I cannot see a man stirring about her—”

He would be punished if you could."

And thus the service of your country is neglected, in order that innocence may be seduced."

66 Have you done?" Something else the Captain then muttered between his teeth, which was unintelligible.

"I have addressed you as a magistrate and as a gentleman. It is now my office to address you as the guardian of Miss Belmont. I warn you off these premises. If you are seen here again I will get an injunction from the Lord Chancellor, and throw you, if you approach here again, into the Fleet Prison, for contempt of court. I have done. Now, Drag, go up to the village for Tring and Prout, and then we'll convey these malefactors to prison."

Captain Oliphant had, hitherto, borne himself with a tolerable degree of self-possession. He had, as yet, prevented the ebullition of his rage, and was just about replying to him, seriatim. when the coxswain stepped up to him, and twisting his hat said, "Please, sir, when you were away, this person said you were a rascal, and we only civilly took him into custody."

This was the one drop of irritation too much. The bitter philippic that he had prepared for his opponent was forgotten! for, clenching his fists, he advanced close upon him, and said, with a voice of thunder, "Did you, sir, dare to call me rascal ?"

"I dare do anything a gentleman dare; and what I dare do, I dare avow. However, I did not say that you actually were a rascal. I said, sir, that if you did not flog these men for their contempt of me, you were a rascal. I repeat it.”

"I will not flog these men, nor any of them, for their contempt of you."

"I will not be bullied, sir. I thank God that I am not one of your crew."

"And so do I. I will not flog the men. Recal the words, or

take the alternative."

Fight you, I suppose," said Mr. Rubasore, with the most insulting sneer; "give you an opportunity of exercising a profession that you have been brought up to. What, sir! do you think that I will play the fool, because you are disposed to play the bravo ? Keep your courage for the enemies of your country. Perhaps, when it comes to the trial, you may find that you have not any to spare."

"Insolent worm! You compel me to kick you."

"Stand back. You dare not, Captain Oliphant. What, surrounded by your own crew, and under the very guns of your own ship, assault an unarmed, elderly gentleman, like myself! Do it, sir and who would be the coward then ?"

At this, the murmuring of the seamen grew into a perfect clamour; and, almost with tears in their eyes, they begged leave to duck him of the cankerous tongue.

The noise of this renewed riot reached the spot to which Rosa and Peter had retired. They were, however, too far away to distinguish the words. Peter Drivel had been painfully silent too long; so, stepping forward, and taking off his hat to the young lady, he humbly begged leave to make a remark. The permission was graciously given.

'Why, then, ma'am, by the row they are making down there, would it not be natural to suppose that the Captain, crew, and ship, had just arrived from the Straits of Babelmandel ?"

I see, by the freedom of your remarks upon your master, you do not know what straits are. What can be the meaning of this

long wordy contention ?"

As this reproof was given in a good-natured tone, Peter felt it to be no reproof at all; but, giving vent to a fresh impertinence, continued, "As, ma'am, I am never straitened for an answer

'Stop, sir; let me undeceive you. I have no time to listen to your wit; I am too much alarmed at what is going forward about the boat. Let us approach."

They did so, and found that the gallant Captain had calmed himself down to a state that enabled him to make a set speech.

"I was wrong to feel angry," said he, "at an object so far be

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