Having taken this inventory of his goods and furniture, 1 sat down before the fire, to devise, if possible, some expedient to reclaim him; when, on a sudden, a sound like the braying of an ass at my elbow, alarmed me to such a degree, that I started from my seat in an instant, and, to my further astonishment, beheld my nephew, almost black in the face, covering his ear with the hollow of his hand, and exerting the whole force of his lungs in imitating that respectable animal: I was so exasperated at this fresh instance of his folly, that I told him hastily, he might drink his wine alone, and that I would never see his face again, till he should think proper to appear in a character more worthy of himself and his family. He followed me to the door without making any reply; and, having advanced to the middle of the street, fell to clapping his sides, and crowing like a cock, with the utmost vehemence; and continued his triumphant ejaculation till I was fairly out of hearing.

Having reached my lodging, I iminediately resolved to send you an account of his absurdities; and shall take this opportunity to inform him, that as he is blest with such variety of useful talents, and so completely accomplished as a Choice Spirit, I shall not do him the injury to consider him as a tradesman, or mortify him hereafter by endeavouring to give him any assistance in his business.

dial in her tea, because it otherwise would make her low-spirited. But there is an epidemical disorder (that was formerly quite unknown; and even now wants a name) which seizes whole families here in town at this season of the year. As I can. not define it, I shall not pretend to de. scribe or account for it: but one would imagine, that the people were all bit by a mad dog, as the same remedy is thought necessary. In a word, of what ever nature the complaint may be, it is imagined that nothing will remove it, but spending the summer months in some dirty fishing town by the sea-shore; and the water is judged to be the most efficacious, where there is the greatest resort of afflicted persons.

I called upon a friend the other morning, in the city, pretty early, about business, when I was surprised to see a coach and four at the door, which the 'prentice and book-keeper were loading with trunks, portmanteaus, baskets, and band-boxes. The front glass was screened by two round paper hat-cases hung up before it; against one door was placed a guitar-case; and a red satin cardinal, lined and edged with fur, was pinned against the other; while the extremities of an enormous hoop-pet. ticoat rested upon each window. These preparations were undoubtedly for a jour ney and when I came in, I found the family were equipped accordingly. The lady-mother was dressed in a joseph of scarlet duffil, buttoned down from the breast to the feet, with a black silk bonnet tied down to her head with a white hand

$128. 4 Citizen's Family setting out for kerchief: little miss (about sixteen years of

Sir,

Brighthelmstone.

That there are many disorders peculiar to the present age, which were entirely unknown to our forefathers, will (I be lieve) be agreed by all physicians, especially as they find an increase of their fees from them. For instance, in the language of the advertisement, "Never were ner

66

age) had a blue camblet jacket, cuffed and lappelled with pink sattin, with a narrow edging of silver lace, a black beaver hat, covered on the outside with white shag, and cocked behind, with a silver button and loop, and a blue feather. The old gentleman had very little particular in his dress, as he wore his usual pompadourcoloured coat with gilt buttons; only he vous disorders more frequent:" we can had added to it a scarlet cloth waistcoat, hardly meet with a lady that is not na a- with a broad tarnished gold lace, which arvous to the last degree, though our mo- was made when he was chosen of the com thers and grandmothers scarce ever heard mon-council. Upon my entrance, I na the word Nerces: the gentlemen too are turally asked them if they were going into affectated in the same manner; and even in the country; to which the old lady replied the country this disorder has spread like in the affirmative, at the same time asthe smallpox, and infected whole villages. suring me, that she was sorry to take Mr. I have known a farmer toss off a glass of from his business, but she was brandy in the morning to prevent his obliged to it on account of her health. hand shaking, while his wite has been "Health!" says the old gentleman, "I obliged to have recourse to the same cor." don't understand your whim-whams,

notI; here it has cost me the Lord "knows what in doctor's stuff already, "without your being a pin the better for "it; and now you must lug me and all "the family to Brighthelmstone." Why "my dear," said the lady, " you know Dr. - tells me, there is nothing "will do my spirits so much good as "bathing in the sea. "The sea!" said the old gentleman; " why then could not 66 you have taken lodgings at Gravesend, "where I might have easily come in the "evening, and gone back time enough for 'Change in the morning?" The good lady told him that he had no taste, that people of the best fashion went to Brights belmstone, and that it was high time their

ful music of country scrapers,---to say nothing of the calmer and less sudorific exer. eise of the card-table. But what is most ridiculous, is the attention paid to dress in these public retirements, where a gentleman or a lady is expected to appear as gay as at court, or at Ranelagh ; consequently, as soon as you arrive at them, you have bills civilly thrust into your hands, ac. quainting you, that there is such an one, a milliner, and such an one, an hairdresser, from Lond.

I am a sincere well-wisher to your pas per, &c.

Sir,

ANTHONY FRESHWATER.
B. Thornton.

Man.

I have always thought your mighty good kind of man to be a very good-for mined to think otherwise, may as well nothing fellow; and whoever is deterpass over what follows.

girl should see a little of the world. To this $129. Character of a mighty good Kind of miss assented, by declaring, that indeed she had been no where but to the play, and the castle-concert, since she had left the boarding school. Both the females then asked me an hundred questions, such as, whether the sea looked green, and how much bigger it was than the Thames,-till the maid gave them notice that every thing was put up. Accordingly, I saw them into the coach; and the old lady did not forget to take the pug-dog with her, who, she declared, should go every morning into the sea, as she had been told it was good for the mange.

kind of man (if he has any) are of the neThe good qualities of a mighty good but you never find him do any good. He gative kind. He does very little harm;

is very decent in appearance, and takes care to have all the externals of sense and concerned in any word, thought, or action. virtue; but you never perceive the heart think ill of him: to him every body is his Not many love him, though very few "Dear Sir," though he cares not a farthing for any body but himself. If he writes to you, though you have but the slightest acquaintance with him, he begins with" Dear Sir," and ends with,

I cannot but agree with my city friend, that lodgings at Gravesend would answer all the common purposes of a jaunt to Brighthelmstone; for though one pretence for visiting these places is, going into the country, people in fact do not leave town, but rather carry London with them. Their way of living is exactly the same as here, and their amusements not very different. They suffer themselves to be mewed up in a little dirty lodging, with not half so goodtionate friend, and most obedient humgood Sir, your ever sincere and affec a prospect, or so good an air, as in the high "ble servant." You may generally find road at Islington or Knightsbridge. Their him in company with older persons than mornings are drawled away, with perhaps himself, but always with richer. He does a saunter upon the beach, which commands not talk much; but he has a" Yes," or a the delightful view of half a dozen hoys, and as many fishing-smacks; and if it was not for a lounge at the coffee-house, or the bookseller's, they would be at a loss how to fill up the vacant hours till dinner. The evenings would bang no less heavy on their

bands, but for the ingenious contrivance of the assembly-room; where, instead of enjoying the cool temperature of the open air, they choose to swelter in a crowd,

and be almost suffocated with their own breaths. Add to this the refreshing summer diversion of jigging it to the delight

True, Sir," or "You observe very right, with the old gentry, that love to hear them"Sir," for every word that is said; which selves talk, makes him pass for a mighty sensible and discerning, as well as a mighty sensible and discerning, as well as a mighty good kind of man. It is so familiar to bim bit of assenting to every thing advanced in to be agreeable, and he has got such a ha Company, that he does it without the trouble of thinking what he is about. known such a one, after having approved an observation made by one of the company, assent with "What you say is 304 very

I have

66

ness to approve what each other said.. I caught them frequently, crying, “Yes,” together, and "very true, ""You are very $6 right, my dear Sir;" and at last, having exhausted their favourite topic of, what news, and the weather, they concluded with each begging to have the vast pleasure of an agreeable evening with the other very soon; but parted without naming either time or place.

or bills and answers to draw, as he is sufficiently qualified by his slow genius to be a dray-horse of the law. But though he can never hope to be a chancellor, or an archbishop, yet, if he is admitted of the medical college in Warwick-lane, he will have a good chance to be at the top of their profession, as the success of the faculty depends chiefly on old women, fanciful and hysterical young ones, whimsical men, and young children; among the generality of whom, nothing recommends a person so much as his being a mighty good kind of

man.

1 must own, that a good man, and a man of sense, certainly should have every thing that this kind of man has: yet, if he possesses no more, much is wanting to finish and complete his character. Many are deceived by French paste: it has the lustre and brilliancy of a real diamond, but the want of hardness, the essential property of this valuable jewel, discovers the counterfeit, and shews it to be of no intrinsic value whatsoever. If the head and the heart are left out in the character of any man, you might as well look for a perfect beauty in a female face without a nose, as to expect to find a valuable man without sensibility and understanding. But it often happens, that these mighty good kind of men are wolves in sheep's clothing; that their want of parts is supplied by an abundance of cunning, and the outward beha viour and deportment calculated to entrap the short-sighted and unwary..

without good-breeding, kind without good-nature, friendly without affection, and devout without religion. She wishes to be thought every thing she is not, and would have others looked upon to be every thing she really is. If you will take her word, she detests scandal from her heart: yet, if a young lady happens to be talked of as being too gay, with a significant shrug of her shoulders, and shake of her head, she confesses, "It is too true, and the "whole town says the same thing." She is the most compassionate creature living, and is ever pitying one person, and sorry for another. She is a great dealer in buts, and ifs, and half sentences, and does more mischief with a may be, and I'll say no more, than she could do by speaking out. She confirms the truth of any story more by her fears and doubts, than if she had given proof positive; though she always concludes with a "Let us hope otherwise."

One principal business of a mighty good sort of woman is the regulation of families: and she extends a visitatorial power over all her acquaintance. She is the umpire in all differences between man and wife, which she is sure to foment and increase by pretending to settle them; and her great impartiality and regard for both leads her always to side with one against the other. She has a most penetrating and discerning eye into the faults of the family, and takes care to pry into all their secrets, that she may reveal them. If a man happens to stay out too late in the evening, she is sure to rate him handsomely the next time she sees him, and takes special care to tell him, in the hearing of his wife, what a bad husband he is: or if the lady goes to Ranelagh, or is engaged in a party at cards, she will keep the poor husband company, that he might not be dull, and entertains him all the while with the imperfections of his wife. She has also the entire disposal of the children in her own hands, and can disinherit them, provide for them, marry them, or confine them to a state of celibacy, just as she pleases: she fixes the lad's pocket-money at school, and allowance at the university; and has sent many an untoward boy to sea for education. But the I suppose the female part of my readers young ladies are more immediately under are very impatient to see the character of her eye, and, in the grand point of matria mighty good sort of a woman; and mony, the choice or refusal depends solely doubtless every mighty good kind of man upon her. One gentleman is too young, is anxious to know what sort of a wife I another too old; one will run out his forhave picked out for him. tune, another has too little; one is a proThe mighty good sort of woman is civil fessed rake, another a sly sinner; and she

Where this is not the case, I cannot help thinking that these kind of men are no better than blanks in the creation: if they are not unjust stewards, they are certainly to be reckoned unprofitable servants, and I would recommend, that this harm less, inoffensive, insipid, mighty good kind of man should be married to a character of a very different stamp, the mighty good sort of woman-an account of whom I shall give you in a day or two.

I am your humble servant, &c.
B. Thornton,

§ 130. Character of a mighty good Sort of

Woman.

frequently