them to be wife fayings. I remember when I was a young youth, it is a great while ago, Gentlemen, I warrant ye it is above five and forty years ago, my mother faw me fooling with a knife; "Lay down the knife, boy," faid fhe; "it is a dangerous thing to play with edged tools." Truly, Gentlemen, I believe you find the truth of this; for, had your city never meddled with edged tools, they and you, I believe, had been in a more thriving condition than now. At first you played with thefe edged tools in your military and artillery grounds, and made fport with them before your wives; but I think they have made fport with you fince.-Truly, for my part, I cannot tell what to do for thefe edged tools; and I believe you are in a quandary too: for my part, I refolve never to meddle with them; and I hope God has given you fo much grace and cowardice, as to do fo too. King James would

never meddle with them, you know; now if you will not take my foolifh advice, take his wife counfel. But to return where I left; I fay I will neither bawl nor fpeak foftly, but talk in an indifferent tone between both, that you may hear me, and I may hear myself, and fo we may all hear one another; and truly there is great reafon for it; for by hearing we convey our reafon one to another. Now that I have reafon, I will prove, for every man is a rational creature: now I am a man, therefore I am a reasonable creature. Gentle

men, this makes as much for you as for me, for by

this do I prove you likewife to be rational creatures, and fo fit to be fheriffs. Thus I find ye qualified for your office. And truly, Gentlemen, fheriffs are men of great antiquity and authority: fome are of opinion that fheriffs were invented in Tyre and Sidon; truly, Gentlemen, it ftands with reafon, for I am fure they were the first inventors of fcarlet. But to leave this opinion, I do find in the Bible how Jofeph was, by Pharaoh King of Egypt, made theriff of Grand Gairo; and

Daniel alfo was, by Nebuchadnezzar King of Affyria, made fheriff of Babylon. In the first place, their babit proves this to be true, for they wore the fame badges of their authority that you have; that is to fay, fcarlet gowns and gold chains. I will not difpute whether their gowns were lined with fur' or no, neither was it material, nor indeed fo requifite; the hotnefs of their countries not permitting that formality. Secondly, we read how Jofeph arrefted his brothers for carrying away his plate, which he could not have done had he not had bailiffs and fergeants under him, officers peculiar to a fheriff; and to make it more evident, we do not find that he took his writ out of any other office but his own; which he could not have warranted, had he not been fheriff himfelf. But you will fay, Where were the two fheriffs to parallel our two fheriffs? To that I anfwer, Where was there a county of Middlefex belonging to any of those cities, for the other perfon to be theriff of? Was it requifite there fhould be two fheriff's in thofe places where there was never a county of Middlefex, because there were two fheriffs of London, where there is a county of Middlefex? No; for it is the county that makes the fheriff, not the theriff makes the county. This, Gentlemen, is law. Now, Gentlemen, I fhall tell ye more than ever ye heard before, to fhew you that I have not fpent my time in idlenefs; which is this, that as there is an archangel, and an archbishop, and an archdeacon, fo is there an arch-fheriff, which is Satan, or Beelzebub, the prince of the air. This is evident from the duty of his employment; for as it is your duty to punish offenders and finners in this world, fo it is his duty to punish finners and offenders both in this world and the world to come. And now I fpeak of your employment, I thall tell you what it is; firft, you are the chief jailors of the nation, and it is your duty to keep thofe prifoners who are committed to your charge, as clofe as your

} ...

your wives lock up their beft jewels; to this purpofe, Mr. Warner, are the two counters at your difpofal; and Newgate, Mr. Love, is appointed for your portion. Secondly, you are the chief executioners of fentences upon malefactors, whether it be whipping, burning, or hanging. Mr. Sheriff, I fhall entreat a favour of you; I have a kinfman at your end of the town, a rope-maker; I know you will have many occafions before this time twelvemonth, and I hope I have spoken in time; pray make ufe of him, you will do the poor man a favour, and yourfelf no prejudice Pray, Gentlemen, what have you for dinner? for I profefs I forgot to go to market yesterday, that I might get my speech by heart.-Truly, Gentlemen, I count it' no difhonour to go to market myfelf; there is no trusting to fervants; had you lived fo long in the world as I have done, you would fay fo. When I was a young man as you are, I fcorned to go to market then as well as you; but fince I went myfelf I find that my fervantscheated me of, I warrant you, five pounds in the year. They would reckon me two fhillings for a leg of mutton, which I can buy as good a one now for five groats and twopence. One, two, three, four, five, fix, feven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve o'clock: well, goodby to ye, Gentlemen. But ftay! I have forgot the main thing ye come for: I must give you your oath. Lord, what a crazy memory have I! But you must excufe me, Gentlemen, my thoughts are not ubiquitary; they cannot be in your kitchen and my head both at one time. Gentlemen, there are feveral forts

of oaths; there is the Protector's oath, ". By the

God;" there is the cavalier's oath, "God damn me;' and there is the chambermaid's oath, "As I am honeft:" then there is an oath which you are to fwear, = and which all men fwear who take upon them employments of truft," So help me God.' Now fome men fay this is not an oath, but my confcience tells me to

the

the contrary. Truly there are fo many opinions, that a man cannot tell which to believe. However, I have fworn this oath twenty times, and would do twenty times more before I would lofe my place: but why do I ufe perfuafion? I fee you are come with a refolution to fwear, and I am come to fwear ye, and fo we are agreed. Well, now you have heard what thofe things are which you muft fwear; lay your hands on the book, and fay, "As God help us, Mr. Baron, we will perform all these things as well as we can. Thus, Matters Sheriffs, you hear what you have fworn; pray be diligent and careful to obferve every particular; fear God, obey your fuperiors, and rule your city with prudence; that, as you are fheriffs, you may become mayors; and, being mayors, may be knighted; and, being knighted, may die full of age and worship, and may be buried with efcutcheons. Now, Mr. Sheriffs, get ye home, kifs your wives, and by that time the cloth is laid I will be with ye; fo good-by till I fee ye.

THE CRAFT AND MYSTERY OF WRITING - ANTIQUITIES.

THE literary world is ftill fhamefully deficient in the department of Antiquities, the only study deferving the attention of a truly fapient and profound reader. What are fuch flimfy themes as polite criticifm, life, or manners, or the feelings of the human mind, to fuch deep refearches and important objects as Gammer Gurton's Needle, Old Parr, or Whittington and his Cat? We are the lefs excufable in being thus barren in antiquities, because it is full as eafy to write antiquities as to build them; and we know the latter has been fuccessfully practifed by many a country fquire, for the embellishment of his pleafure-grounds.

In the first place, no man need be deterred from writing

writing antiquities by the difficulty of writing good' English; for we find by the example of the most admired teachers of the antiquarian school, that it is wholly unneceffary to trouble one's head about style, correctness, and grammatical niceties; these are kickhaws fit only for your little modern fubjects; but the more uncouth, harfh, irregular, and obfcure the ftyler of the antiquary, the more perfectly is it adapted to! the dark and obfolete nature of the fubject matter. There is a fort of mental perplexity and intellectual darkness that are highly venerable to readers of a certain defcription, and admirably accord with dark caverns, Gothic cloisters, and ivy-crowned windows, thofe folemn and favourite objects of antiquarian refearch.

In the next place I would obferve, that a true antiquary muft never laugh, never be afhamed; nothing is to him little or low, provided it be old; he will dive, with the fame fteadiness of muscles and diligence, of inquiry, into a fepulchral vault or a privy; no fituation is ridiculous to him, no refearch difgraceful. A pig-fly (in the contemplation of an antiquary) becomes a majestic erection, and a rap farthing a confi derable treasure, when they happen to bear the sacred marks of time. I myfelf, Mr. Editor, have in my poffeffion an ineftimable treature, in the eftimation of true antiquaries; it is a genuine fpecimen of a Román firreverence, which has efcaped all the ravages of time: it was found in a cloaca, amidst the ruins of Herculaneum; I would not exchange it for a ruby of the fame magnitude, and yet to vulgar eyes—but odî profanum vulgus et arceo.

Next to that vener ble obfcurity of ftyle, and amiable perplexity of thought, that diftinguish good antiquarian writers, it fhould be our ftudy to attain a cer tain vigorous afperity of temper and agreeable acrimony on the

of language, that operate like pungent fa

VOL. V.

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