Vol. 2. Progrefs of weeping among the most ancient nations; origin of whimpering; with a differtation on the boarding-schools of the ancients.

Vol. 3. Propagation of tears in Europe, with biographical notes of eminent blubberers. State of difcipline, and progress of tears under the whip; differtation on the flave trade.

Vol. 4. Great Britain; arithmetical difcuffion of crying accounts, progrefs of tears in families, with a digreffion on the metamorphofis of "grey mares" into "better horfes."

Vol. 5. History of coaches and carriages; how increafed by crying; origin of fits and hysterics; perfpective view of Long Acre.

Vol. 6. Rife of white handkerchiefs, with an hiftorical view of the British stage; calculation of the depth of tears shed at a tragedy; plan of a tragedy, with the crying parts coloured for the boxes.

Vol. 7. On the use of onions at funerals; differtation on widows; exact measurement of a flood of

Vol. 8. On the various caufes of weeping; ingenuity of thofe who weep without any caufe; medical differtation on crying; encouragement of the British Senate to the importation of Hollands.

Vol. 9. On the crying fins of the nation;. effect of tears upon the works of Nature; poetical deluges; how far canals may be fwelled by tears; true relation of a farmer's daughter who drove a mill while in love.

Vol. 10. On novel-writing; on tears divided into genera and fpecies; falt tears, bitter tears, fweet tears, weet-bitter tears; falt-delicious tears, tears half-delicious, half-agonizing, and other varieties, manufactured and diftilled in the writings of the ne philofophers. On fentimental torrents, cataracts of fenfibility, and water-falls of fine feeling. Conclufion..

The whole to be embellished by engravings (by the first artists) of black eyes, blue eyes, and hazel eyes, in: all the ftages of crying, from the glisten to the fob.. Portraits of eminent criers, from the originals in watercolours; views of noted whimperers in diftemper; ground plans of teafing fchemes, with diftant profpects of fets of china, diamond necklaces, and new carriages, &c. &c.

The price to fubfcribers will be three guineas each volume; to non-fubfcribers, four. A few copies will be printed on a fuperfine magna charta, wire-wove and hot-preffed, with proof impreffions of the plates, price fix guineas each, and which, when bound corio Mauritanico, foliis deauratis, lineis rubris, elegantiffimè compact. per Kalthoeber, will form one of the most splendid books ever prefented to the eye.

LACRYMANT REX ET REGINA.

CRIM. CON.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

MR. EDITOR,

IN

N Bofwell's Life of Johnfon, vol. i, p. 567, octavo edition, I find the following fentiment:

46

Talking of marriage in general, he (Dr. Johnson) obferved-Our marriage fervice is too refined. It is calculated only for the best kind of marriages; whereas we should have a form for matches of convenience, of which there are many."

If there were many matches of convenience, Mr. Editor, at the time this was fpoken (1769), it will not be denied that there are at least as many now, and that I am not guilty of impertinent obtrufion in offering this fentiment to the confideration of your readers, fince it is a matter either of fashion or neceffity to fubject crim. con. to every fpecies of difcuffion. I am forry, however, that in the curious work from which the above is

taken,

taken, I cannot find more to the fame purpofe. The fentiments of fuch a man as Dr. Johnson would have. been highly valuable, but he has left the propofal for reforming our marriage fervice in the fimple form of a fuggeftion in general terms. I fhould have liked to know in what way a liturgy for matches of convenience could have been drawn up. Undoubtedly that must have conftituted its chief merit, which is fo often mentioned as the opprobrium of many acts of Parliament, their being loofely worded.

7

Our ancestors appear to have thought little of pofte-: rity when they fixed matrimony as a bufinefs for life, and in fuch ages of barbarity perhaps we are not to wonder that they made no allowance for matches of convenience, nor were able to foresee the poffibility of fuch cafes. Whether the learned Doctor, whose words I have quoted, would have propofed that matrimony fhould become of a temporary tenure, a fhort leafe, or a fpecies of tenantry at will, I am not able to decide; but it is not unfair to fuppofe that he entertained fome notion of that kind, and it is not difficult to conceive, that a form of agreement for a fhort term may be as eafy to draw up as for a long; but our prefent fervice binds all alike; and from the vaft change that has taken place in our more liberal ideas on this fubject, the words "love, comfort, honour, and keep her in fick nefs and in health, &c. obey, ferve, &c. &c. are become mysteries, or fo obfolete as to be unintelligible, and we fubfcribe them as the clergy are taught to fubferibe the thirty-nine articles-not as articles of beef, but of peace, becaufe the church enjoins, them in that character.

And now I have mentioned the thirty-nine articles, I am not quite fure that laxity in the one inftance may not have induced it in the other. Most of our eminent dignitaries, from Paley to Prettyman, allow that the articles are to be fubfcribed only as articles of

peace,

peace, but not to be understood, believed, or preached and I am afraid, Sir, that many gentlemen wher ordained to be hufbands, confider the fubfcription to the register merely as a compliance with an injunction which has no neceflary connexion with the vows that preceded; and if obligations fo facred as thefe are to be entered upon in this way, I cannot help being of opinion that there would be juft as good a fecurity for the performance of the duties of the hufband and the paftor, if they were to fubfcribe Cocker's Arithmetic, or the London Directory.

But leaving this fubject to those whom it may more immediately concern, let us advert to the pofture of affairs at the conclufion of the firft feffion of the Imperial Parliament. Expectations were held out, that renewed difcuffions on crim. con. would introduce new laws, and that what was planned in the preceding feffion would be finished in this. But thefe expectations have been miferably difappointed, and it is utterly impoffible to conjecture why. That one feffions fhould be allowed to elapfe, was highly proper, that men might have time to turn the. fubject in their minds and it might be equally proper to wait for the arrival of the Irish members, who were fuppofed capable of throwing fome light on the fubject; but why further delay? A preffure of more important bufinefs cannot well be pleaded in excufe: for what business can be more important than that in which all are concerned, either in fact or in profpect? Nor will it be faid, I hope, that the business of the Committee on Scarcity: took up too much time, for we have it upon the aus thority of a noble Marquis, perfectly competent to judge, that an attention to the price of wheat is not incompatible with the purfuit of an intrigue, and that, while he was bargaining for the honour of a hufband, he had not forgot what paffed at Reading market. It is a great mistake, that a man cannot attend to more

objects

objects than one at a time. Blockheads perhaps cannot, but to men of ingenuity it is eafy. Hence we fee that an invasion of focial order does not interfere with the duties of religion, and that some men can extend their piety, fo far as even to compofe a litany for crim. con. and turn a lover's perfuafions into collects.

Remifs, however, as our legiflators have been on this fubject, I yet hope that we may be able to repeat the adage, "What is delayed is not loft." A vaft mafs, of experience, and evidence of facts has been contributed by the voluntary zeal of fundry parties who allowed none of the ufual fcruples of pride, character,› family, &c. to interfere with the more imperions duty. of giving every information to the public on a fubject of fuch general importance. When crim. con. was first debated, there were many differences of opinion, which will probably be now decided. It was, in par ticular, queftioned how far public licentioufnefs might go, and that, I humbly apprehend, is pretty nearly determined. If it be not, it is not the fault of those who have lately stated their cafes in the courts of law, and who, to do them juftice, seem to be above all the fubterfuges of concealment, and have, with aftonifhing ingenuity, united the fimplicity of candour with the excefs of profligacy. If our legiflators cannot from fuch facts, added to their own experience, forma mafs of knowledge fufficient to ground new laws upon, I know not where they can obtain clearer lights.

I obferve it has lately been discovered (to use the newspaper phrafe) that crim, con. is travelling from the parlour to the butler's room, and the kitchen, &c. and this fome affect to confider with a degree of furprife. Why we ought to wonder at this, is itfelf a wonder. I grant that people of fafhion, by adopting crim. con. into the lift of their fashionable amufements, may have given it a certain eclat; or probably, as they fuppofe,