ON A STATE VAULTER EXTRAORDINARY. At the bottom it lay, All depriv'd of its sway→→→ Of its powers the fishes ne'er dream : Cried, "Behold the Great Seal! When the King is not by, 'Tis known is a King just as good. "The Parliament met, To debating I'll set, And then two Commissions I'll frame; For King absent or dead, 7 Then give Royal Assent in His name. I "What though Common Sense shows, With this salvo- I'll cure ev'ry flaw; Still His Majesty's here- IMPROMPTU ON A STATE VAULTER EXTRAORDINARY. [From the Morning Herald, Dec. 26.] AMID the feats of modern art, In this our varying clime, Where some 'gainst wind and tide be-start, We see (what's surely bold enough) With giant resolution, A tiny Lawyer stripp'd in buff To'erleap the Constitution * ! 85 JOHN DOE. * Mr. Gillray, with other daring Caricaturists, are hereby cautioned to restrain any wanton propensity to sketch this heroic attempt of the State Vaulter Extraordinary of all England, either on brass, or any other inappropriate metal whatsoever, on pain of a legal premunire. (Signed) RICHARD ROE, Solicitor to said State Vaulter Extraordinary. ON ON THE LIMITATIONS OF REGENCY, THE AS DETERMINed upon in 1789.5 Fusti [From the Morning Chronicle, December 26.] HE brightest jewels from th' Imperial Crown, And throwing at their feet the Regent down, Makes him a sort of King" of shreds and patches." THE AGE WE LIVE IN. [From the British Press, December 27.] OVID has given a very fine description of the earlier ages of the world, and has told us a beautiful story about things which, in our times, it is scarcely possible to conceive to be any better than pure fictions of the poet's brain. We are informed, for instance, that there was an Age called "the Golden," from some precious metal, which, on account of its superexcellence, was applied allegorically to designate the most happy, innocent, abundant, and delightful era that ever existed on the earth. What this metal could have been it is not in the power of a modern writer to imagine: but, from our absolute ignorance of the meaning of the term "Golden," it may fairly be presumed, that it is altogether a fabulous expression, and refers to something as unreal as the unicorn, the phoenix, the sphynx, or the flying dragon; for who can suppose, that if such a metal as this called Gold had existed at any period, it would have been unknown to the chemists of the 18th century, who have explored the very arcana of nature, and made such notable discoveries respecting zinc, bismuth, and a hundred other mongrel metals, which the ancients had no more conception of than we have of Gold? It is therefore clear, that this part of Naso's story is all my eye; and we need THE AGE WE LIVE IN. 87 need not wonder, that all the experiments of all the alchymists of the last four centuries, founded on so ridiculous a poetical invention, should have lamentably failed in discovering that which is a non-entity-their aurum palpabile! This incredible opinion, that there really was such a metal as gold, was further strengthened by the cunning of the Poet, who compares the succeeding age to silver, a metal which we know, by some few proofs still remaining, is to be found in the bowels of the earth. And, again, by likening the third age he treats upon to lead, a metal which all the plumbers in England can verify upon oath is to be had some way or other→→ whether the truth lies in a well or not, is immaterial to our argument. The elixir of life, the longitude, the perpetual motion, and the way to square a circle, have all equally had their followers, advocates, and admirers; but the wiser part of mankind have invariably laughed at all such pursuits whether of those who hunted after immortality, in a mortal world; certainty, where nothing is certain; perpetuity, where every thing decays; an exception to a physical certainty; or, what was of the same description," the philosopher's stone, or gold," as a substance which we have reason to believe is nothing more than an immaterial phantasy. The wisdom and purity of the British Parliament has of late been arraigned and brought into question more than in former times, and we must confess, in our opinion, with greater justice than ever; for it evinced no ordinary share of folly, in the Senate of a great nation, to fall into a vulgar opinion, and appoint a Committee, as they did last Session, to inquire into its truth or falsehood, and report to the House whether there was any foundation for the belief in the philosopher's stone, or not. In no other light can the Bullion Committee be considered; and any man of sense might have anticipated their Report, viz. That there was no such thing in creation as the metal they were deputed to discover! And yet this Report made a noise in the country, and set all the yelping fellows of the nation at work, to prove that the Committee were wrong. We shall not enter into a controversy so evidently ridiculous, but, satisfied in our own mind by the evidence of our own senses, remain convinced that there is no such thing as gold to be seen. W 66 Would to Heaven the precious ore did exist, and that the age of peace, pleasure, and plenty, resembling it, were restored! But, alas! even the silvery age is past, and we do not enjoy the secondary degree of happiness with which mankind were blessed during the period so designated: nay, the very age of lead, when rapine, injustice, and discord, hegan to infest the world-when bellum, horridum bellum, cried havoc, and let slip its bloodhounds--even that dull heavy time is over, and worse has succeeded; in which, unfortunately for our generation, we are the actors. But what name shall we give this " Age we live in ?” Were we to follow the example of Ovid, and add another metal to the list, nothing would be found applicable but that compound-brass! Impudence and assurance prevail over modesty and talent, and brazen presumption leads to honours, wealth, and fame! Another phenomenon of our times might be happily compared with that semi-metallic combination which is employed in Galvanic experiments, and the prevalence of universal Corruption find an apt counterpart in the fluid wonders wrought in these curious philosophical treats by Professor Davy. We might observe how, by this medium, the dead were made to move about, as by the influence of Corruption they are made to vote at Elections; and many other singular and similar appearances might be produced and explained. But, PARODY ON A MOST PATHETIC APPEAL. 89 But, perhaps, after all, it would be more applieable to dismiss Metals altogether from our simile, and at once to bestow on this age the name it so obviously merits-that of the PAPER AGE! How well by this appellation will its nature be demonstrated to posterity! Exquisitely true, our children's children's children shall read the record; and, when they mention the Paper Age, it will be understood to mean that period when Waste Paper, Religion; or, rather, vice versa, Religion, Waste Paper ! Lord forefend any one should carry the comparison any further than we have now done; and after saying we had Paper Men 'for Rulers, go" up and up, and find all a-cold!". PARODY, ON READING A MOST PATHETIC APPEAL IN THE DEBATE OF FRIDAY. [From the Morning Chronicle, Dec. 27.], SOME mortals are to feelings given, With less of earth in them than heaven.' If there's a tear-a human tear, From Pity's dross refin'd and clear, T. EPIGRAMS, |