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old bed-ridden Parson close by, who is greatly plagued, as it would seem, by a Constitution, at which he diverts his spleen with perpetually railing, because he has grown too feeble to take any further liberties with it.
On Dr. Solid's departure, I sat down to give you the substance of what he said, before it should slip my inemory. By the by, on reading the letter in The Morning Chronicle “ about chess-playing,” he appeared halt inclined to make some observations on that game, which perhaps he may favour me with on a future occasion.
I am, Sir, your humble servant, and (except when this cursed Newsman plays me a trick) your constant reader,
HENRY HOPEFUL. W-bledon, Aug. 13, 1810.
AN ARGUMENT FOR THE MODERN UNDRESS.
[From the Morning Herald, Aug. 18.]
Was free from dress, and knew no harm in't;
'T was then she first put on a garment.
No min of sense can think so odd is,
Of wearing ciothes upon their bodies.
And thus excuse their want of dress;
THE TEARS OF MARGATE; OR, DECORUM IN
[From the same.] BELLA, horrida bella !—The spirit of revolution
and usurpation is at work at Margate; and King Le Bus, like the Grand Turk, is now tuttermg on his throne! But hear the dreadful tidings, O reader ! :
One account says, that on the last Assembly night, when the widow Slyboots, from Crooked Lane, was calling to the band to play « The Devil among the Tailors,” the monarch of the dance waved his necromantic wand of office, and the band ceased as suddenly as if Death had given the word of command. The waiter was ordered to put out the lights, as the prescribed hour of separation bad arrived; when some Officers (mirabile dictu !) broke the long extinguisher in two, and threw it into Cecil Square!
" There was a situation !” "Why do you open that window ?" questioned the M. C. strutting up to the offender like the King of Bantam—" To throw out a dirty stocking,” rejoined the insurgents: and the principal was in the act of seizing the little arbiter of elegance, when Terpsichore interfered, in the shape of the Spirit of Loyalty, and, by placing a slice of lemon under the left foot of the aggressor, he, luckily, stumbled, which gave the alarmed Monarch a happy opportunity to escape, which he incontinently did u la sourdine) by strides, which his abridged anatomy was heretofore deemed unequal to. Thus the innovators remained masters of the field, while that demon Democracy hovered round the roof in ecstacy, flapping her sooty wings at this signal overthrow of royaliy and right!
The M. C. was fortunately discovered the ensuing morning by one of the waiters, who « nosed him
going to the lobby.” He had dexterously taken refuge in the china-closet, and was found squatting, à la Turque, at the bottom of a punch-bowl, but without his regalia, and shorn of his beams--ah! how unlike his great self!.
ANOTHER ACCOUNT. Miss Debby Waddle, of Leather Lane, declared at the hoy fair, that the Sieur Le Bas remonstrated with à field-officer for dancing with spurs, contrary to his mandates, when the indignant son of Mars, taking his fair partner with one hand, and seizing the M. C. by the waistband of his inexpressibles with the other, rammed him into his coat-pocket, and actually finished the dance with this king of forms, thus incarcerated, who peeped and disappeared alternately, like the jacks of a harpsichord, when Dussek is running the allegro divisions of a sonata; calling lustily, but in vain, upon his merry subscribers for mercy, and a habeas corpus !
ANOTHER ACCOUNT, Some say, that when he was dragged from the abyss of the punch-bowl, exhausted with lachrymal floods, and the pangs of a diseased soul, he was fanned into returning energy by Mr. Kidman's cook : when he first looked round" him in wild dismay, like Ajax minor when he awoke in Tartarus, he ejaculated one emphatic exclamation, and no more, viz.
« All hell shall stir for this." Three several committees of fashion have sate, successively, in Divan, upon this lamented event, in order to adjust the differences between the aggrieving and the aggrieved; but, ere they could come to a conclusion, the iron toe of pecuniary necessity hath kicked à majority on board of some friendly Hoy, whose sails were unbending for the classical and renowned port of Billingsgate. Thus the affair stands at present, for rest it cannot.
We will not pledge ourselves for the literal verity of either of the above accounts, though we believe that each is substantially true.
The following is the remnant of a descriptive ditty which hath been made upon this unpleasant occasion, and is now sung through the Isle of Thanet, and promises to be as popular as “ Chevy Chase," or “ Malbrook.” It is attributed to the powerful and poignant pen of Mr. Fawcett, the comedian, who is now here on a flying visit to Hygeia, to buy half a yard of health for winter's wear; and who is well known to be au fuit on such emergencies.
God prosper long our noble King,
Who rules each sturdy Briton;
Whom Athlete have spit on!
What now flows from my perna;
Nor Paris, nor Vienna.
An assembly and a hop,
And's forc'd to-shut up shop?
Shall life's delights be o'er?
Shall Manners be no more?
By Treason, or par hazard,
And Anguish writhe his mazzard !
And seem'd but pleas'd to please!
Let tulips clase their calices,
Each sunflower hide his head ;
And Dignity is dead!
A Drimmundah from “ Shelah."
Excepting Philomela !
Although of little size;
Pray let me wipe my eyes!
And cannot do without it;
I'll tell you all about it.
Margate, Ang. 22. IN N order to methodize, and, if possible; to soften
the habitudes of some of the piebald gentry who visit this renowned port, Mr. Le Bas hath issued the following official announcement:
" The Master of the Ceremonies requests that no gentleman will come to the rooms in hoots, or pantaloons, ot trowsers (military gentlemen in uniform ex. eepted), as they will not be admitted; it being contrary to the orders and regulations of the place.
The ensuing lines were posted, last night, under this Ukase of authority:
Tut! tut! Le Bas, ne'er fume and fret,
And go, and live at Dover.