am certain that the Directors of the Bank of Ireland, who have been indefatigable in their endeavours to buyup all the bad shillings and recoin them, pro bono publico, into twopenny pieces, will readily communicate with their brethren of the Bank of England on this interesting subject, send them samples of their farrago, lend them their die, and, as Mr. Davy may not have any test to ascertain it, reveal the extreme degree of baseness to which they have been obliged to descend in their endeavours to accommodate the Irish public. At all events, let me deprecate any thing like the issuing of notes under one pound: the sufferings of the people in Ireland, particularly the poorer classes, in consequence of such an arrangement, were dreadful. Every petty shopkeeper, become a banker, issued his paper, bought bad goods, and put what price he pleased upon them, certain that his neighbours must buy them, because his paper had no currency except from his counter to his till. Oh, no! any thing except five-shilling and two-and-sixpenny notes-rather than that, let the brass pots and kettles, as in the time of James II. be called in, melted, and coinedbut no more paper, for the sake of common humanity! I am now called away to see a very fine ram, upon which, I am informed, Sir John Sinclair is to ride round the hall of the Bank of England, preparatory to his being crowned with a wreath of cancelled Banknotes: he is then to proceed to the Rotunda, to partake of a dejeuné à la fourchette, consisting chiefly of prize A great deal of good singing is expected: Mr. R. Jackson is to favour the company with "Money in both Pockets;" two mermaids have kindly come forward to offer their gratuitous assistance—they are to sit in bathing-tubs, at each side of the President, and have promised, to execute some appropriate airs meats. "Cease, LINES ON YOUNG BuonapartE'S CRADLE. 179 "Cease, rude Boreas," and "Water parted from the Sea," Sir John being reseated on his ram. The whole to conclude with a grand chorus in praise of Pitt and pound-notes; in which all the Stock-jobbers, Contractors, Clerks, Directors, and the entire corps papicritique, are to join. Medals of the great man, now no more, struck on pasteboard, are to be distributed among the performers, who are to fire a feu de joie in honour of his memory, provided the ram be found sufficiently steady to bear the explosion; otherwise it is to be omitted. I shall resume the subject of the Scarcity of Silver at a future period, which, with some other particulars, I shall be happy to communicate to you; meantime I rémain Your obedient servant, LINES TIMOTHY TINKER, ON THE CITIZENS OF PARIS PRESENTING THE SON OF BUONAPARTE WITH A CRADLE, WHICH IS SAID TO HAVE COST A THOUSAND POUNDS. [From the Morning Post, April 16.] GOOD OOD Paris Cits, have better thought, Thy cradle, Folly, proves this truth--- For, have we not been told, forsooth! 1 batos But though 't is made for Boney's son rnold "Of such expensive stuff→ } Our Just for a Nap a wooden one 245 Hould quite be good enough! G. HINTS TO PUNSTERS. [From the British Press, April 19] AS a few light paragraphs, puns, conundrums, and old or new jokes, have a very good effect at a breakfast-table in the columns of a Morning Paper, we beg leave to offer a few Hints to the Gentlemen employed in manufacturing or reviving those articles: HINT 1st. An Epigram ought to terminate in an attic point, therefore Gentlemen are wrong in calling those things Epigrams which have no point at all. HINT 2d. All Witticisms, which have a latent meaning in the writer's own mind, and which it is impossible for the reader to understand, ought to be followed by a glossary, or explanation. HINT 3d. All foreign languages, French, Spanish, Portuguese, or Italian words, ought to be done into English for the benefit of the unlearned. HINT 4th. All extracts from Joe Miller, the Encyclopædia of Wit, and other jest-books, ought to be given with a reference to the page of the author or compiler whence taken. Otherwise it is a plagiarism; and if worthless (as it will probably be), the blame of original sin is unjustly attached to him whe is only guilty of tasteless selection. HINT 5th. A Rebus ought to be something. HINT 7th. It is allowable, for the sake of effect, to put old jests into the mouths of modern personages. This is like putting old wine into new bottles, and creates a burst-of laughter. HINT 8th. As persons are not obliged to understand the orthoëpy of classical words, you are at ›liberty to turn and pronounce them as best suits your purpose; omiso HINTS TO FUNSTERS. purpose; ex. gr. Archipelago may be given in forty seven different manners. HINT 9th. Never stick or puzzle for a handful of letters. Spell ad libitum as you pronounce. HINT 10th. To attend to chronology would be a cursed bore, and spoil many a good joke. Geography has the same defect: and, after all, what signifies it, if the story be good, whether we, by mistake, make 1811 the fifteenth century, or place Tarentum in Africa? HINT 11th. Grammar must follow the fate of orthoëpy and orthography. It must bend to your purposes. HINT 12th. Call all those who do not understand your jokes "stupid blockheads.” These are a dozen of the chief hints that occur on the rowel of the moment-(an example of the what d'ye call it ?-substituting a part for the wholerowel quasi spur):-a thousand might be added, were we to take the trouble of thinking about the matter; but as we write for those who never prepare or chastise the mind, we also deem it most expedient to scribble away off-hand! In the same spirit and manner we proceed to offer a few remarks on the main branch of the trade, namely punning; a very copious and fruitful subject, and, like an attorney's blue bag, containing nothing, founded on nothing, and aiming at nothing but equivocation and quibble. The grand sources for a newspaper are the events of the day: Public Meetings, Men's Names, Debates in Parliament, and, above all, Foreign Intelligence. The supremacy of the latter is evident, from the liberties that may safely be taken with the pronunciation of all names of persons, places, and events, Not a town in Portugal but yields plentiful stores to the Punster: not a French General but he can turn and overturn in any manner or way; not to mention Victor vanquished; the pains of Pena; the British Lions in the Isle of Leon; the soul-lessness of Soul-(t); and many obvious cognominal puns arising out of the Battle of Barrosa (an unfortunate battle! liable to no quibble). The very last dispatches from Portugal abound in notable opportunities for the exercise of this sublime art. How many happy paragraphs, for instance, might be manufactured out of the following example! The first stand made by the enemy was at Pombal, not an inapt name for the place where so many balls were discharged. We have next the Convent of Alcobaco (Anglice, All go back-o!) destroyed in the retreat. Then comes General Montbrun, or Mount Brown, the commander of the French cavalry; then a terrible skirmish, offering a rich pun in the Cacadores; and General Erskine, who terrified the enemy into no very savoury pickle at the Sour (Sour) River. Then we have General Nightingale amusing them with his military notes during the pursuit in the night.. Then the slaughter at Miranda de Corvo, from the wonderful multitudes of crows hovering about to pick the dead Frenchmen's bones. Then we catch sight of them at Viseu ; cut off a guard at Guarda; get nigh Marshal Ney, if so pronounced, or, if you pronounce it otherwise, bring him upon his knee; obtain the palm of victory at Palma; ram on to surprise General Ramon; collect forces at Portalegre, or Port-o'-leaguer; and do a thousand other feats indicated by the places or generals concerned in this warfare. We might go on ad infinitum, but "sufficient forthe day is the evil thereof !" We have said enough to encourage obstinate punsters; and enough to furnish prophets with the power of predicting from the past what will be the future fates of the rival armies, as they proceed into the interior, or acquire officers of other names. This we may venture to add, that of Bessy |