Q. I am a young fellow, brought up-to no manner of trade or business, through the over indulgence of my uncle, who took care of me after the death of nuy parents. He dyed suddenly last week without a will, so that not one farthing of his estate comes to me, though he always promised me the greatest Mare; and his former affection having procured me the envy and ill will of all my relations, I have ne'er a friend in the world will do me? service. I would therefore desire you to deliver my petition to Apollo, that as he goes bis rounds, and pries into every corner, he would find me out a rich old woman that wants a lusty bed.fellow in her old age ; and for her other parts, he and I shan's differ; for, although she were a compleat collection of all the deformities and ill qualities dispersed throughout the whole sex, I promise you to marry her. You see the condition of my circumstances, therefore if you deny me your assistance, it's very probable you may in a short time hear of the life and penitent death of yours, &c. I. And then,

(If Apollo forgets to make diligent search)

His Querist will be in a damnable lurch. A. 'Tis pity, a likely young fellow, for want of a fupporter Mould swing out of the world, and after have a parcel of wicked rhimes made upon him, sung to lowly tunes; for the prevention whereof we have used our best circumspection, and discovered several old women, rich enough, if other matters fuit. There is one (indeed fhe has but half a face, and her NorthWest-fide seiz'd with the dead palfie) but the mischief is, she has quite loft her tongue, which (tho' a comfort after matrimony) we fear it will be impossible for her to repeat the indissolvable compact. There is another, a proper woman enough, allowing the increment of one part to atone for the deficiency of another; she sinks in much before, but then behind her back seems jumping over her head. She has but one leg, but that is big enough for two. Her tem. per indeed is not so agreeable, by reafon her mirth makes others melancholy, who would fwear by her aspect, that she cry'd when she meant a loud laugh; the sound of it also is fo like braying, that it calls her

P3

а

humar

a

human nature in question, and so may render the marriage invalid. There is also another, who in her younger days sprain’d her huckle-bone by a fall from a pear-tree, and has

gone like crab ever since her chin and snout are so firmly united, that she fucks in all her sustenance between them thro' a quill; her eyes are as brisk as a ferret's of their size, and exactly of that kind; but then they look directly East and Weft at the same time, so that if you have witness to the marriage, it will be impossible to know which the is married to. But then, there is one without all these impediments, only she has one small defect, she has been the death of five husbands already, for where he comes, otters and polecats are preferid for perfumes : Now if you have strength of nature enough to bear her blasting breath, till she has run o. ver the sentence for execution, you are a made man : And thus we have found one to bring you to church, Except want of courage leaves you in the lurch.

Q. Gentlemen, the great reputarion you have juftly gained through the whole town for the admirable solutions of the most difficult questions, and your indefatigable search after the discovery of all things new and curious, witness your nice account you have given, and have promised further to give of the wonderful twins, puts me in hopes you can give us (which will doubtless please the publick) fome account of that oud accident at Kensington last week. It is reported a man was bury'd alive, was heard to groan and strike the coffin, and after was taken up again not without fome signs of life?

A. Sir, one of our Society was at Kensington before he was buried again, and made the best examination he could into the matter. He was a poor man that work'd in gardens; his wife went to scouring and washing, but liv'd very uncomfortably together. On Monday, last week, as she was at work, fhe was suddenly struck with death, and cry'd out of a great pain in her side, and died on the Tuefday; on which he was seiz'd with much trouble, on account of feveral small children they had, and what would become

of

.

of them, as also on some words the fpoke, as charge ing her death upon a blow he gave her on Easter last; however, on Wednesday, he was at work, but in the evening grew ill, when a woman reflected his wife's words, and that he might come to be hang'd for her death. Several oeighbours being there in the morning about five a-clock concluded him dead; and both being buried at the charge of the parish, it was thought fit to put them both in the ground together, on the Thursday evening, about 13 hours after he died; but cover'd only with loofe mold, and his coffin not naild fast. After some reflecting, it was not well done to bury him before he could be quite cold, he was taken up again. As on one hand, there appear'd nothing gaftly in his face, nor his nose pinch’d, donc. and one eye a little open, but cold; fo on the other, there were no marks of bruising himself, or struggling in his coffin, Sc. therefore we believe those noises heard mere fancies. Upon the whole, we believe he was dead when first buried; but it had been more satisfactory to the world, if they had not buried him so foon, and had chaffed him with warm things, and endeavour'd to bleed him when they took him up. We do not believe the blow he

gave

her occasion
of her death, she being at daily work fince, without
complaint thereof; but her reflection at such a time
might occafion bis, since no fymptoms of any diftem,
per but grief appear'd.
Q. Since Apollo t' a Lover

Was never unkind,
To him t'll discover

The grief of my mind.
I, sir, am a maid,

To whom fortune and nature
Their debts have well paid,

Therefore that's not the matter.
And for loving kind Ninnies

I challenge the she,
That dares for five guineas
Hang Sweet-bearts with me.

any

Tet the hagg calls despair,

That makes lovers martyrs,
Persuades me to fear,

i muft die in my garters; For I'm deep plung'd in love

With a man that don't know it,
And the nice son't approve,

That it's fit I should new ito
Tho' the case is o th’oddeft,

Pray advise your poor friend, Which will be most modeft

To die, Speak, or fend? A. A thousand more arts

Your sex ready have, For the conquest of hearts,

And confirming a flave, Than speaking or writing,

Where often you fail in, And gain but a slighting

Instead of prevailing. There's a way by your eyes,

Your amour to discover, Which hits by surprize

The most vigilant lover: Or a cousin or aunt

May bring him by chance, At which you must rant,

Which will make him advance:
Or by fecret engines

His morals bespatter,
He'll come with a vengeance,

For clearing the matter :
If your wit on the sudden

Lays him not then in chains, Believe him a cadden,

And not worth your pains.

Q. By thy godship (faith Phoebus ) to swear thou wile

make mne,

I bave cause to be angry, if I do not mistake thee;

For

For being askt to cure freckles, thon answer'd the proposis

tion,
Not to trouble thy Shorine, but to ask a physician.
Pray tell me what science Apollo profesi,
When he said inventum medicina meum eft.
I am one of his fons, and as I hope to be knighted,
I take it unkindly our patron's thus sighted.
A. You an offspring of Phoebus, and commit such

transgression,
As his godship to scandalize with a profession!
'Tis certain that physick was Apollo's invention,
But to practise, in him, is too great condescention 5
Much less will he stoop to those meaner disgraces
Of oblit’rating freckles, and clearing tan'd faces.
As to swearing and passion we bid you defiance,
And contemptible hold such a fpurious alliance;
To refund your false claim then, our hearty desira is;
For 'tis palpable, Natos è fanguine scires.

Q. Ye loss of the lyre,
Whom thousands admire,
Pray tell me from whence
The hot quintessence
In Somerset shire
of the Bath does perspire?
And why 'tis more firmer
In winter than summer ?

A. That water at Bath :
Its calidity hath
From a sulphurous mine,
With which nitre doth joyo,
And bitumen's suppos'd
To be therein inclos'd.
But the reason why heat
Doth in summer abate,
Is its due inclination,

To a quick, perspiration..
Q. I'm quite out of business,

By means of a looseness,
That has tyranniz’d'o'er me of late;