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SIR JOHN FALSTAFF.
SHALLOW, a country Justice.
Host of the Garter Inn.
Followers of Falstaff.
ROBIN, Page to Falstaff.
SIMPLE, Servant to Slender.
RUGBY, Servant to Dr. Caius.
MRS. ANNE PAGE, her Daughter, in love with Fenton. MRS. QUICKLY, Servant to Dr. Caius.
Servants to Page, Ford, &c.
SCENE. Windsor, and the Parts adjacent.
MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.
SCENE I. Windsor. Before Page's House. Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and Sir Hugh EVANS.
Shal. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Starchamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaff's, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
Slen. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram. Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and Cust-alorum.
Slen. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself armigero; in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, armigero.
Shal. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
Slen. All his successors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat,
Shal. It is an old coat.
Eva. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies-love. Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. Slen. I may quarter, coz? Shal. You may, by marrying. Era. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it. Shal. Not a whit.
Era. Yes, pe'r-lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures : but that is all one: If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you. Shal. The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.
Eva. It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.
Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.
Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which, peradventure, prings goot discretions with it': There is Anne Page, which is daughter to master George Page, which is pretty virginity.
Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.
Eva. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon his death’s bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections !) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham and mistress Anne Page.
Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pounds ? Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny, Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is good gifts.
Shal. Well, let us see honest master Page: Is Falstaff there?
Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door [knocks] for master Page. What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Enter PAGE. Page. Who's there?
Eva. Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and justice Shallow: and here young master Slender; that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.
Page. I am glad to see your worships well: I thank for my venison, master Shallow.
Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: Much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed:- How doth good mistress Page ?- and I love you always with my heart, la; with my heart.
Page. Sir, I thank you.
Page. I am glad to see you, good master Slender.
Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say, he was outrun on Cotsale.
Page. It could not be judged, sir.
Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
Shal. That he will not; 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault: -'Tis a good dog.
Page. A cur, sir.
Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: Can there be more said? he is good, and fair.-Is Sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.
Eva. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that 80, master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath; -at a word, he hath;-believe me;-Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.
Page. Here comes Sir John.
Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL. Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king?
Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.
Fal. But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
Fal. I will answer it straight; —I have done all this;That is now answered.
Shal. The Council shall know this.
Fal. 'Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laughed at.
Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
Fal. Good worts! good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; What matter have you against me?
Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.
Bar. You Banbury cheese!
Slen. Ay, it is no matter.
Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ?
Slen. Ay, it is no matter.
Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my
Slen. Where's Simple, my man ? can you tell, cousin ?
Eva. Peace, I pray you! Now let us understand: There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is master Page, fidelicet, master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them.
Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my notebook; and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.
Eva. The tevil and his tam ! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations.
Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse ?
Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and twopence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Fal. Is this true, Pistol ?
Slen. By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
Nym. Be avised, sir, and pass good humors: I will say, marry, trap, with
if you run the nut-hooks humor on me; that is the very note of it.
Slen. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John ?
Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires.
Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then, too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: If I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Eva. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.