The Dramatic Works of William Shakespeare

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SCENE 1.

ACT I.

An Apartment in the Duke's
Palace.

Enter Duke, Curio, Lords; Musicians attending.
Duke.

IF music be the food of love, play on:
Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting,

The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again;-it had a dying fall:
O! it came o'er my ear like the sweet south,
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing, and giving odour-Enough! no more:
'T'is not so sweet now, as it was before.
O, spirit of love: how quick and fresh art thou,
That, notwithstanding thy capacity
Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
Of what validity and pitch soe'er,
But falls into abatement and low price,
Even in a minute! so full of shapes is fancy,
That it alone is high fantastical."

Curio.

SCENE II. The Sea-coast.
Enter Fiola, Captain, and Sailors.
Viola.

Viola.

There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain,
And though that nature with a beauteous wall
Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
I will believe, thou hast a mind that suits
With this thy fair and outward character.
I pr'ythee, (and I'll pay thee bounteously,)
Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
This is Illyria, lady. For such disguise as haply shall become

What country, friends, is this?

Captain.

Viola.

And what should I do in Illyria?
My brother he is in Elysium,
[sailors?
Perchance, he is not drown'd:-what think you,
Captain.

It is perchance that you yourself were sav'd.
Viola.

O, my poor brother! and so, perchance, may
he be.
Captain.

True, madam: and, to comfort you with
chance,

Assure yourself, after our ship did split, [you,
When you, and those poor number saved with
Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
Most provident in peril, bind himself [tice)
(Courage and hope both teaching him the prac.
To a strong mast, that lived upon the sea;
Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,

I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
So long as I could see.

The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:
Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him.
It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing,
And speak to him in many sorts of music,
That will allow me very worth his service.
What else may hap to time I will commit;
Only, shape thou thy silence to my wit.
Captain.

Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:
When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not

Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too: an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.

Maria.

That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish knight, that you brought in one night

here to be her wooer.

Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats: he's a very fool, and a prodigal. Sir Toby.

Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the violword for word without book, and hath all the de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages good gifts of nature.

Maria.

He hath, indeed,-almost natural; for, besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among

Maria.

Ay, sir; I have them at my fingers' ends: They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. in your company.

Sir Toby. With drinking healths to my niece. I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria. He's a coward, and a coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face.

Enter Sir Andrew Ague-cheek

Sir Andrew

Sir Toby.

[Exit Maria. O knight! thou lack'st a cup of canary. When did I see thee so put down?

Sir Andrew.

Past question; for, thou seest, it will not

Good mistress Accost, I desire better ac- curl by nature. quaintance.

Maria

Sir Andrew

But it becomes me well enough, does't not?

Sir Toby.
Excellent: it hangs like flax on a distaff, and
I hope to see a housewife take thee between her
legs, and spin it off.

An thou let part so, sir Andrew, would thou life in't, man. might'st never draw sword again!

Sir Andrew

An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?

Maria

Sir, I have not you by the hand.

Sir Andrew

bir Andrew.

I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
strangest mind i' the world: I delight in masques
and revels sometimes altogether.
Sir Toby.

Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight?
Sir Andrew.

As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters: and yet I will

Marry, but you shall have; and here's my not compare with an old man.

have these gifts a curtain before them? are they like to take dust, like mistress Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig: I would not so much as make water, but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard." Sir Andrew

Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?

Sir Toby. What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus? Sir Andrew. Taurus? that's sides and heart.

O! then unfold the passion of my love; Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: It shall become thee well to act my woes; She will attend it better in thy youth, Than in a nuncio of more grave aspect. Viola.

I think not so, my lord.

Duke.

For they shall yet belie thy happy years,
That say thou art a man: Diana's lip
Is not more smooth, and rubious; thy small pipe
Is as the maiden's organ, shrill, and sound,
And all is semblative a woman's part.
I know, thy constellation is right apt
For this affair.- Some four, or five, attend him;
All, if you will, for I myself am best,
When least in company.-Prosper well in this,
And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord
To call his fortunes thine.

Viola.
I'll do my best,
To woo your lady: [Aside]yet, a barful strife!
Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

[Exeunt.

Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way: if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

Maria.

Peace, you rogue, no more o'that. Here
comes my lady: make your excuse wisely; you
were best.
(Exit.

Enter Olivia and Malvolio.
Clown.

Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!

Dear lad, believe it, Those wits, that think they have thee, do very

oft

oft prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit. God bless thee, lady!

Take the fool away.

Olivia.

Clown,

Malvolio

I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more brain than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard already: unless you laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men, that crow so at these set kind of

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the fools, no better than the fools' zanies. lady.

Olivia. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides, you grow dishonest.

Clown.

O! you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a distempered appetite. To be gene. rous, guiltless, and of free disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts, that you deem canTwo faults, madonna, that drink and good non-bullets. There is no slander in an allowed counsel will amend; for give the dry fool drink,fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no then is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man railing in a known discreet man, though he do mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dis- nothing but reprove. honest: if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing that's mended is but patched: virtue that transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower.-The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

Olivia.

Clown. thou speakest well of fools! Now, Mercury endue thee with leasing, for

Re-enter Maria.
Maria,

much desires to speak with you.
Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman
Olivia,

From the count Orsino, is it?

Fetch him off, I pray you: he speaks nothing but madman Fie on him! Exit Maria. Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it. [Exit Malvolio.] Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.

Clown.

Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy

Well, sir, for want of other idleness I'll 'bide eldest son should be a fool, whose skull Jove your proof.

Good madonna, why mourn'st thou ?

crain with brains; for here he comes, one of thy kin, has a most weak pia mater.

Enter Sir Toby Belch.
Olivia.

Clown.