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Ros. I will weary you no longer then with idle talking. Know of me then (for now I speak to some purpose), that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit: I speak not this, that you should bear a good opinion of my knowledge, insomuch, I say, I know you are: neither do I labour for
a greater esteem than may in some little measure draw a belief from you, to do yourself good, and not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things: I have, since I was three years old, conversed with a magician, most profound in this art, and yet not damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries it out, when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marry her: I know into what straits of fortune she is driven; and it is not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set her before your eyes to-morrow, human as she is, and without any danger.
Ori. Speakest thou in sober meanings ?
Ros. By my life, I do; which I tender dearly, though I say I am a magician: Therefore, put you in your best array, bid* your friends: for if you will be married to-morrow, you shall ; and to Rosalind, if you will.
Enter SYLVIUS and PHEBE.
Phe. Youth, you have done me much ungentleness,
Ros. I care not, if I have: it is my study,
Phe. Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.
Syl. It is to be all made of sighs and tears;
Phe. And I for Ganymede.
Syl. It is to be all made of faith and service ;-
Phe. And I for Ganymede.
Phe. And so am I for Ganymede.
Syl. If this be so, why blame you me to love you ? [To PHEBE.
Ros. Pray you, uo more of this ; 'tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon. I will help you, [To SYLVIUS] if I can ;-I would love you, [To PHEBE] if I could.-To-morrow meet me all together.-I will marry you, [To PHEBE] if ever I marry woman, and I'll be married to-morrow:- I will satisfy you, [TO ORLANDO) if ever I satisfy man, and you shall be married to-morrow :- I will content you [To SYLVIUS] if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married to-morrow.As you, [T. ORLANDO] love Rosalind, meet;-as you, [To SYLVIUS) love Phebe, meet; And as I love no woman, I'll meets ---So fare you well; I have left you commands.
Syl. I'll not fail, if I live.
[Exeunt. SCENE III.-The same,
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY. Touch. To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey; to-morrow will we be married.
Aud. I do desire it with all my heart: and I hope it is no dishonest desire, to desire to be a woman of the world.* Here comes two of the banished duke's pages.
Enter two PAGES. 1 Page. Well met, honest gentleman. Touch. By my troth, well met: Come, sit, sit, and a song. 2 Page. We are for you: sit i' the middle.
1 Page. Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking, or spitting, or saying we are hoarse ; which are the only prologues to a bad voice?
2 Page. I' faith, i' faith; and both in a tune, like two gipsies on a horse.
With a héy, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
In the spring time, the only pretty rank time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
* A married woman.
With a hey, and a ho, and á hey nonino,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino;
In the spring time, &c. Touch. Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untunable.
1 Page. You are deceived, Sir; we kept time; we lost not our time.
Touch. By my troth, yes, I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God be with you; and God mend your voices ! Come, Audrey.
SCENE IV.-Another part of the Forest.
Orl. I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
Enter ROSALIND, SYLVIUS, and PHEBE.
[To the DUKE. You will bestow her on Orlando here?
Duke S. That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
Ros. But, if you do refuse to marry me,
Phe. So is the bargain.
If she refuse me:and from hence I go,
[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA. Duke S. I do remember in this shepherd-boy Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
Orl. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him,
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY. Jaq. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark! Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.
Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all!
Jaq. Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the motleyminded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest; he hath been a courtier, he swears.
Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure;* I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with my enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
Jaq. And how was that ta'en up?
Touch. ’Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
Jaq. How seventh cause ?-Good my lord, like this fellow.
Touch. God’ild you, Sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, Sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear; according as marriage binds, and blood breaks if A poor virgin, Sir, an ill-favoured thing, Sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, to take that that no man else will: Rich honesty dwells like a miser, Sir, in a poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
Duke s. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
Touch. According to the fool's bolt, Sir, and such dulcet diseases.
Jaq. But for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause ?
Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed ;- Bear your body more seeming, I Audrey :-as thus, Sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: This is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was not well cut,
* A stately solemn dance. + I. e. as family ties are broken. # Seemly.
he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: This is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: This is called the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: This is called the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lie: This is called the Countercheck quarrelsome : and so to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.
Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut?
Touch. I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct : and so we measured swords, and parted.
Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
Touch. O Sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, If you said so, then I said so; and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peacemaker; much virtue in If.
Jaq. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord ? He's as good at anything, and yet a fool.
Duke S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit. Enter HYMEN, leading ROSALIND in woman's clothes; and
When earthly things made even,
Whose heart within her bosom is.
[To ORLANDO. Duke s. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter. Orl. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
Phe. If sight and shape be true, Why then,- my love, adieu !
Ros. I'll have no father, if you be not he :- [T. DUKE S. I'll have no husband, if you be not he: [TO ORLANDO. Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.